Recent zoo trip has inspired me to open a 21 and older Zoo. Fuck sharing the wonders of nature with children if they seem intent on doing nothing but pounding on the glass, yelling at the animals, or at best, occasionally glancing up from their text conversations to dismissively nod at the Siberian tiger. Alcohol will be served in place of Elephant ears and children found sneaking in will be fed to the Wolves. In addition to these simple rules, you wont be allowed in if you are wearing sweats that say PINK on the ass, have Kanji tattoos when you're Dutch, or enjoy Monster energy drink. I swear these fucking rubes have infiltrated every facet of my daily life and are reproducing at an alarming clip. Can I not do anything without running into fifty screaming future University of Oregon sports medicine majors!?
Projected photo of Oregon Zoo by 2015 on a slow day. floating devices will become a necessity as the streets will run deep with a viscous mix of Axe body spray, semen, and Monster energy drinks.
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